Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
