All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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