Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
