I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
