You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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