Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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