My first STD was from a foam party
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
