there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
