Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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