and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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