Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
