No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
