You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
