Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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