she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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