I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
