Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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