Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
