Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
