There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
