Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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