I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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