Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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