This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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