Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize