What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
