Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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