We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
