Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
PANTIES FOUND
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