Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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