Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
