just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
