tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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