Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
