You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
