even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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