Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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