I CAN MOONWALK!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
