There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
