Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
