About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
