She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
