I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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