His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize