My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
