I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
