DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
