im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
