I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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