Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
