You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
How's work?
Spinning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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