Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
