i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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