things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
