dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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