FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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