Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
