i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
