did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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