at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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