New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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