This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
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