I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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