her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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