Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
