Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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