Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
