i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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