i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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