well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
