Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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