my phone needs a breathalizer
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
