Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
