i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
