Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
