It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Randomize
