While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
