And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
