Will you blow on my dice?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
