so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
