His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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