I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
