She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
